Saturday, September 30, 2006

A Rite Of Passage I Could Have Done Without


I have to wear a pink, strapless bridesmaid dress next month. I happen to be fairly well-endowed (no, I'm not bragging.) Strapless and well-endowed do not go together well. On top of that, the dress shows EVERY SINGLE bulge.
After much cursing at the sister-in-law who picked out the dress, I finally accepted that I was going to have to make my very first purchase of a spandex-lycra contouring undergarment.
So, I went shopping. I tried on some truly scary looking contraptions. To add to the humiliation, the salesgirl who tried to help me at one place was waif-skinny and looked to be all of 20 years old. Worst of all, nothing fit because of my troublesome top half.
Just when I had lost all hope, I was sent off to a new lingerie shop in town that just opened last month. The visit didn't start out so well. I tried on another couple of scary contraptions, and was informed that one of the girls is actually bigger than the other (!!??). But, the nice (not 20 or skinny) lady helping me found me a bustier, which, while pretty expensive, ($120) hides all bulges, and definitely does not look like something a portly 65 year old would wear. Best of all, it raises the girls to heights they haven't seen in years! Like when I was 16! Well, not 16...the girls didn't turn up until I was about 20. But they look pretty impressive!
Bring on the pink strapless bridesmaid dress!

16 Comments:

Blogger Brandy said...

I need one of those things!!! LMAO

1:17 AM  
Blogger Netter said...

Yuck bridesmaid dresses are the pits. Most of my good friends are married so I won't have to slip into one of those nightmares anytime soon. I have issues with those dresses. My sister was the worst bride ever. She got married July 1st, 11 years ago in Nebraska. Do you know what Nebraska is like in July, holy crap. My hair goes frizzy in humidity so you can guess how much hairspray the lady that did my up-do had to spray on my head. Goodbye ozone! Anyway, on top of everything, she put the bridesmaids in full length black gowns...in JULY! Her reasoning was that if she had to wear a full length gown, everyone had to. She's evil! I told her that I wasn't making her get married in JULY...that was her brainstorm, but she turned into Bridezilla.

2:20 AM  
Blogger desperate housewife said...

Actually, the dresses are sort of cute, just not quite my taste, and a little less than you'd want to wear in the middle of October. But the bride was pregnant when she picked them out, so I think the hormones had something to do with it.
Besides, nothing can beat the dresses my brother's sister made us wear...kelly green with gold trim. Bleeech!

8:31 AM  
Blogger Schell said...

I hear you, I hear you. Same thing for my wedding. The cleavage is embarrassing, I should have worn a turtleneck, those things push you way up, look out Beth from Dog The Bounty Hunter, just kidding, I would have something done about that if I was her.

11:43 AM  
Blogger Courtney said...

I am happy you found what you needed.. Though I do not have the problem needing the girls lifted cause well I have none.. LOL!! Well as I was told by a Mexican once I had lemons.. Or was it limes you know the key lime ones.. LOL!! Sorry had to share.. Hope you are feeling better with your cold by the way..

1:27 PM  
Blogger old lady said...

I hate you and Michelle.
Bitching about cleavage and all.

6:39 PM  
Blogger Schell said...

Oh, you're fine in all your splendidness Karen. You have features that many of us would die to have. Just can't think of any right now. Ooooohhh, I had to do it.

8:11 PM  
Blogger old lady said...

Bitch.

8:15 PM  
Blogger desperate housewife said...

You can have mine if you want. They're a little past their prime, though.

9:00 PM  
Blogger Schell said...

Maybe we could share and give the poor little elf some. Ha ha.

9:06 PM  
Blogger old lady said...

Total bitch.

9:44 PM  
Blogger Schell said...

ahahahahahah. You love me. Thanks for the blog DH. Karen and I can have it out here.

9:53 PM  
Blogger Sue said...

I can relate to the strapless thing. While I'm not uber endowed, gravity has never been kind enough to allow a strapless garment. Yeah for finding the right undergarment!

11:01 PM  
Blogger Peter Gibbons said...

Chick fights, posts about boobs... BEST BLOG EVER!

8:47 AM  
Blogger Schell said...

LMAO over Peter's comment, Karen and I had lot's of fun yesterday.

11:30 AM  
Blogger old lady said...

Sure... I was just kidding....

; P

12:45 AM  

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