I Don't Understand How Terrorists Get Passports When It's So Hard For Law-Abiding Citizens To Get One

I finally got my passport application sent off this week. I thought you just sent your birth certificate and presto! They'd send you a passport. I had no idea what a colossal pain in the ass it is to get one, between guarantors and references and not showing even a hint of a smile or teeth in your photo. Why can't you smile? I look like a terrorist in my awful photo. If I was a U-S border crossing guard looking at my passport pic, I wouldn't let me in on the grounds I might reproduce and spread my ugly genes in their country.

I'm not a terrorist. I'm not going to smuggle weapons or drugs into the U-S.

I just want to sit on a beach in Florida and maybe see someone stick their head inside an alligator's mouth.